June 12th, 2013

June 12^th; exams and the school year were wrapping up (even though it seems like they never end), we were all getting the summer hype like T-sizzle at OTAs, and Royal Oak, Michigan was quiet (like it seems it always is). Though, back at home the quietness broke suddenly at 3 p.m. My life seemed to end in the blink of an eye. Is it an overreaction when I look back? Maybe; but isn’t everything we or say an overreaction? It’s human nature to overreact and it happens all the time on the news. Just look at the Detroit Bankruptcy and emergency manager Kevin Orr. People turned their nose to these and showed the sky was literally falling. They even burned down the Heidelberg Project. Look what has come out of this “apocalypse” though; a new mayor and life and the nightmare seems to be finally coming to an end. Anyway, in my head at the time and still till this day I haven’t recovered from my nightmare. How would it feel if you were pushed down in a corner and stomped on by a close friend that you bonded with? To me, it’s completely devastating. No, honestly, it sucks. We don’t have to mention anyone’s name, that’s not the point. The point is the life was sucked right out of me. It was like a Dyson did the job too. And just

like those Dysons that are so stupidly overpriced (like man, who’d buy a $600 vacuum), the cost of this experience emotionally is exponential. Really, it was to Jupiter and back. And if you had to bounce back quickly for the day after, you think it could be done? Let’s just say it takes a lot out of you. Luckily though, I survived. But, it was one of the hardest experiences I’ve ever experienced. Oh, and when this happens wouldn’t it be nice to get a little help from another friend who knows what’s going on, so you can eventually get up? Yeah…but guess what? That didn’t happen either.  

Honestly, I have my side to this whole entire  thing where there was no mention of me doing anything wrong. There was no coming to me by him and everything seeme to be going as usual. I guess it wasn’t, because on the 12^th the train derailed and I’m sitting in disbelief, breaking down, and looking for answers that to this day I can’t find. Even though I see him almost daily now, there’s no remorse, no guilt, no apology, and it seems like he doesn’t care. It again; sucks. Maybe he does care; I can’t read his mind. You know, that’s a good point, if I had a superpower it’d be mind-reading. And it’s easy to guess why. I’d get answers and I’d know why. Those “Whys” give us closure and that’s what I need; closure. And to that other friend, he could’ve helped me, talked to him, and got this fixed like any good friend should do. Isn’t that what a true friend should do, help you out? Well as I found out, the other wasn’t a true friend.  From what I heard, he listened to everything he had to say and none of what I had to say. Even though I was the one who didn’t know what was going on with him. Doesn’t this sound so wrong? Then, guess what happened? We all avoided contact and I still stayed in that corner. I’ve said to myself that he can’t win, but right now I’m still losing every day. Anytime my mind isn’t fixed on something else, it’s on him and what happened.  And until I go undefeated, there’s no way I can fully recover. Oh yeah, and another thing that sucks is the seeming bitterness for no reason. (I know I’m rambling on and on, but isn’t it bad?) There’s just blank stares and little to no direct talking. It’s awkward. And you know, it’s from how he ended things and him alone. I after June 12, tried to reach out, but I got little to no response again. It just shows he’s uncomfortable and embarrassed (at least I think), over how he ended things. He shouldn’t of ended things the way he did. I’m a strong person, but the only thing I could do is cry after what he did.

Is life supposed to be this tough? I hear all the time that life “is a process,” and you need to “go with the flow.” That’s easy to say, but incredibly hard to do. You sometimes can’t use perspective and take a step back. That’s exactly what happened with my former friend and why it’s so hard to recover. Some adult somewhere would say quickly in response, “You need to overcome it.” And I want to say, “Come in my shoes, and try to handle everything I had to handle with him.” Then the, “I’ve been through this kind of thing before,” is unleashed and it makes me want to laugh. How many times can I say it? How can you deal with what I had to deal with when everyone’s life is unique? I’m sorry to say it, but there’s always a difference. I could go keep going on and on, and the only thing I can say is, “This is different,” and hope people understand.  Now thinking about it, making it through emotionally to this day shows I am strong and I pat myself on the back for that. Honestly, the situation with him has gotten better and there’s more comfort now than on June 12^th. But, there’s still a long way to go. It’s a work in progress, just like anything, and I still want answers. I thought “God” had all the answers in life. “God,” the eternal savior, featured on Sundays from Church to Animation Domination on FOX, is the supposed one to shoot down lightning bolts and make it all better. Isn’t that what all parents say to their child after a “boo-boo?” “It’ll be all right.” It’ so generic and stupid. As I’ve seen with my situation and others, it usually isn’t. Look at all the natural disasters, let-downs, disease, famine, shortage, corruption; I could go on forever. I do believe in God, but I can see why this new modernist/atheist movement is taking hold today.

People are losing hope; period. They’ve seen the evidence themselves that there’s only loss and no help will be given to them. Even with this, I still hold out hope. To me, hope is the one main thing that keeps me going and knowing there will be change. I hope for June 12^th to be reversed. Hope for success in my life. And hope for the Detroit Lions to go to the promise land. It’s hard when I hear stories of 50 years of disappointment and I go to games as a season ticket holder (just like the MNF 18-16 loss to Ravens), to see why the nightmare seems not to end for these Lions. You just hope the 61-yard field-goal will miss and change the franchise’s and your life, but sometimes…that 61-yarder finds a way to squeak through and ruin everything. And it’s like; how can a 61-yarder (really… a 61-yarder), go through the uprights. Here, though, I still keep hope for a dynasty. It’s the one thing I’ll always keep personal.  Even if everyone gives up, I’ll still stay a Lion for eternity. That’s what I’m trying to do with June 12^th, and I hope to God there’ll be improvement. Right now though, it seems like there won’t be salvation.

As I continue to struggle, I keep stating the obvious. What my former friend did was wrong. I still, as you probably see, want to be good friends again. That’ll probably take a miracle though. All I know, on June 12^th, 2013 it went from good friends and street hockey; to my world turning upside down and him and I going our separate ways.